One Last "olympic" Advert
A Joke
There were two cats, One Two Three Cat and Un Deux Trois Cat. They had a swimming race from England to France. Who won?
One Two Three Cat because un deux trois quatre cinq.
Click & Clack, the Tappet Brothers
Beyond the Fringe
What did the zero say to the eight?
Oooh! I like your belt!
(I was purchasing a new belt...)
DRIT
Today would have been Lucille Ball's 100th birthday. Here is Google's commemoration of the day, complete with an interactive t.v. clip.
Original Swiss Army Knife
Think and Grin
Seth: What do you call a fake Irish stone?
Spencer: What?
Seth: A shamrock!
Graffiti with a sense of humor
Welcome to the Boulder County "Justice" Center
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
---off the Internet
Bad July 4th Jokes
Q: What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog? A: Yankee Poodle!
Q: Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? A: At the chopping mall!
Q: What did one flag say to the other flag? A: Nothing. It just waved!
Q: What dance was very popular in 1776? A: The Indepen-dance!
Q: What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? A: Beneduck Arnold!
Q: What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? A: The Fodder of Our Country!
Bumper Sticker:
Wag more. Bark less
April Fools
If you click on the Google website today you will see (in Google's colorful format) the name "Topeka". Google has "officially" changed it's name (for today, at least) because they are having a contest to see which city will get Google's new city-wide high=speed internet connection. The city of Topeka, Kansas, changed it's name to Google in an attempt to win this prize, and Google decided to return the favor (temporarily). If you haven't figured out yet, it's definitely April 1st!
April 1
No one goes hungry
All people are fed
The oceans are clean
Lake Erie's not dead
The Irish aren't fighting
The Arabs love Jews
The swords are now plowshares
Now ain't that good news?
The water's delicious
The air is so clear
On top of a mountain
You see to next year.
Couples stay married
Children are jewels
Sure got you going!
APRIL FOOLS!
written by Jean Wells Rogers
Remember: 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
A new meaning for "pop the cork"
A semitrailer truck crashed on I-80 in Wyoming. It was full of wine bottles from Oregon and Washington. Extreme heat caused the bottles to explode, endangering the Highway Patrol.
"The corks were popping out of the bottles like the old Jiffy Pop we grew up with." Lt. Scott Keane
Tongue Twister: Irish Wristwatch.
Laugh lines
"Toyota just announced their new car will get 500 miles per gallon, plant rain forests and give birth to endangered pandas. So, that's the one you want."
Conan O'Brien
A medical question...
What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment
and for swine flu you need oinkment
Remember that old saying, "That'll happen when pigs fly."? Well, it has happened. Now we can all finally say that swine flu. Ba dum dum.
Sorry, probably still too early for swine flu jokes.
A funny bumper sticker I saw on my way to the store today:
Our National Health Insurance Plan?
Don't Get Sick!
Off the internet:
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
So, George Bush is addressing reporters in Beijing before the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. He looks out over the audience, glances at his prepared notes, and begins: "Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, Ooo, Ooo." An uncomfortable silence follows until an aide leans over and whispers in his ear: "Um, Mr. President, that's the Olympics logo. Your speech is underneath."
Holy Cow! Flying Penguins! (Be sure to watch the video)
How often have you laughed today?
Humor helps us to think out of the box.
The average child laughs about 400 times per day,
the average adult laughs only 15 times per day.
What happened to the other 385 laughs?
~ Anoymous
the Car Window Decal that doesn't Stay up Late
Now is the time to let your Boomer flag fly, and fly proudly. There's no reason to be ashamed of your birth year! You are not alone. Hoo boy, not even close.
Now is the time to take back the early evening and reclaim our dignity. And what better way to do it than with a Boomer on Board car window decal?
Things to think about
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why do we sterilize the needles for lethal injection?
Why do people pay to go up tall building and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If ide
A Wyoming Joke
A Wyoming cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the c
Do-Si-Do's are Okay
This humorous piece, aired yesterday on NPR, tells why "It's okay to binge on Girl Scout cookies--it's for a good cause."
Is this like always wearing clean underwear?
Always read stuff
that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.
~ P. J. O'Rourke
Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!
Anonymous
Google is your Friend
Words of wisdom from a Nobel laureate
At the recent PeaceJam held in Denver, Desmund Tutu reportely told the teens in attendance what you need to be a Nobel prize winner--
1. A big noseAs the youth who reported this remarked, "The
2. A short name
3. Sexy legs
Pledge Time? Again?!?
A Heartwarming Story
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...
A young family moved i
We're at FINCH
Threat Advisory Pandemic Alert System for Avian Flu. Because Tom Ridge copyrighted (!) the color coded terror alert system, a different set of indicators needed to be used. The obvious so
Smock!
Don't Knock My Smock! smock smock smock smock smock smock smock smock smock smock
Global Warming - Proof!
Okay Dad, you win: Positive Proof of Global Warming
Rim Shot
To which the Dad replied, "Son, you have to choose."
Blonde Joke #710
A joke from dad:
A blonde woman walks into a car repair shop and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. Everyone looked at each other, and the head mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece i
Riddle
ANSWER; March 4th
He died with his pencil in his hand
Making the rounds: Modern-Day John Henry Dies Trying To Out-Spreadsheet Excel 11.0
Note, the Onion is a humor and satire newspaper, and should not be mistaken for real news
Wyomingite humor
Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Wyoming and Colorado.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling Potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"OH NO!" the president exclaims. "That's not supposed to happen! How will we ever explain that?"
His staff sits stunn
Max Eastman
A cop pulls over Dr. Heisenburg and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
Dr. Heisenburg responds, "NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am"
presented here to archive it for future reference
He's in the Encyclopedia between "Goby" and "Godard.
a: Piiig!
The ba
President Bush asks her majesty's what her "real" leadership philosophy is. HRH replies that it is quite simply to surround herself with intelligent people. President
